wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
