About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
