By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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