but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
