I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
