Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
