you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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