I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
