i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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