I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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