I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
