Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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