Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
