oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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