that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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