I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
