I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize