I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
