Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
