Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
