It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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