weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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