I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
