So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize