I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
