there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
