Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
