Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
