Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
