Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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