She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
