Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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