It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
