My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
