There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
