He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
