so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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