two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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