uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
