So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
