All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
