Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
