she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
