well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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