I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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