Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
