I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
