capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
