The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
