For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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