just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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