Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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