he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
