Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
