I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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