How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
