I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
