I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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