hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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