I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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