Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
