yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
