You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize