he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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