He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
