I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
