a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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