Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
