i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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