I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
