dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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