I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wow bdsm is so cute
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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