Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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