You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
