Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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