He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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