At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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