Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
