jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
