THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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