i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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