Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
