weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
