I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize