When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fuck appropriateness.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
