So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
