singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
