Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
