matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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