best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
