if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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