Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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