3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
