Pappa wants mamma naked
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
