Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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