did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
