i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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