he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
