Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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