Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
