On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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