turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize