i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
