The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize