god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
not ubering you a puppy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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