No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
