Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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