Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize