i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
