Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
