If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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