I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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