you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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