I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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