Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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